Memories
by 1seddiefan
Summary: Captain America was the Winter Solider's mission. Yet, Captain America was his best friend. He just couldn't figure out how, where, when, and why. But, all he keeps getting is empty memories. All Bucky wants to know is why. One-shot.


A/N: My take on the part of Bucky not remembering part in The Winter Solider. I know it seems overused and overdone, but I wanted to do my own take.

* * *

He had felt a small part of remembrance when he was told that Captain America was going to be his next mission.

He had a feeling that he knew Captain America, but he couldn't remember where or how. Hell, he didn't know why. Something stirred inside of him. For the first time, he felt warm. He felt something, though he couldn't tell what it was. He heard people call it emotions.

He was sure that it was affection, familial love, and traces of longing. He wasn't sure what the longing was for.

His heart hurt. He was surprised that he can still feel.

He knew Captain America. He didn't know how.

* * *

"Bucky?"

There was that feeling; among others. Familial love. Affection. Longing. Confusion.

"Who the hell is Bucky?"

There was a crushed look on the Captain's face.

Some reason there was a trace of regret for saying that. He also wanted to go over and dare he say, hug the guy.

Bucky.

Was that his name?

If it was; why did it feel right?

There was something surfacing in the murky depths of his mind.

He remembered laughing, defending a skinny kid, and fighting together against someone.

He couldn't remember.

It pissed him off.

His target was right there. He would destroy his target and move on with his life. He didn't have to worry.

* * *

"I knew him!"

He knew Captain America.

Bucky. Was that what Captain America called him? Was that his name? Bucky?

He knew Captain America.

He did and it pissed him off because he didn't know why.

There was a small memory tickling in the dark depths of his mind. It was like a wall blocking his memories. Well, the memories that seemed like they were blocked behind the wall in his mind.

"I knew him."

* * *

 _ _I knew him.__

 _ _Bucky.__

He had to force that down.

It pissed him off.

Why can't those two words shut up?

He knew Captain America.

Why does he know Captain America?

When did he know Captain America?

How did he know Captain America?

Where did he know Captain America?

When?

Where?

How?

 ** **Why?****

Memories were trying to force their way up; memories that he shouldn't have. Or least he shouldn't know.

Damn. It was frustrating him so fucking much.

He wanted to punch something; preferably Captain America. That guy was the root of his problems.

But it was his job to kill Captain America.

Killing Captain America would eliminate the root of his problem.

The thought of killing the Captain made him a bit sick. Something in his mind told him that he needed to protect the Captain.

Protect him from what?

He felt something towards the Captain.

He loved the Captain like a brother.

Why did he?

* * *

 _ _Who am I?__

 ** _ ** _I am the Winter Solider._**_**

 ** _ ** _Bucky?_**_**

That kept running through his mind.

 ** _ ** _Who the hell is Bucky?_**_**

That's all the Winter Solider wanted to know.

* * *

It felt like he got throat-punched. Okay more like he got choke-held by the Captain; the root of his confusion and emotion-feeling. That bastard.

He knew Captain America.

He didn't know why, how, when, where. Why?

It pissed him off. A wall was blocking his memories. Damn it.

At least Captain America was there for him to take his anger out on and finish his mission too.

* * *

"I'm not going to fight you. You're my friend."

"You're my mission. You're! My! Mission!"

"Then finish it, because I'm with you till the end of the line."

It felt like something clicked into place.

He remembered something. Everything was spinning too quickly.

He had made a promise to protect the Captain.

The Winter Solider felt like his heart broke. He had broken a promise. He should be burning it hell for it. He should go to hell for what he donee.

The Captain fell into the water beneath.

Dare he say that his mission was completed?

He knew it wasn't what he wanted. He had a promise to keep.

A promise outweighs a mission.

Captain America was his friend.

Captain America's name was Steve Rogers.

Steve Rogers is his friend.

Steve Rogers is his brother.

Steve Rogers needed help.

That help is going to be from him.

The Winter Solider didn't hesitate.

He dove right in after him.

* * *

The Winter Solider wasn't sure what to do. Should he get Steve some help? Should he leave him abandoned?

The 'Bucky' side of him was trying to claw out. Bucky would've taken Steve home and help him out somehow.

The Winter Solider stayed put, although everything in his mind screamed at him to get the hell out of there. He still needed answers. He wasn't sure what the questions were.

"I don't know anything about me." The Winter Solider said to Steve in particular. Who was he going to talk to? The sky? The water? The birds? He needed to talk to somebody. What better somebody is there, than the unconscious body of your best friend that you punched repeatedly?

He decided that he already knew all the answers. Those answers lied in his mind, behind the wall that was blocking his memories.

If he destroyed that mental wall, would he die from the memories coming back at him? Would it be painful if the memories come back? Would it be painless? Would it hurt destroying the mental wall?

"I don't know anything," the Winter Solider explained. "There's a wall in my mind, that's hiding my memories."

He just needed someone to listen to, without the threat of getting electroshock therapy. Not fun.

"I don't know what to do." He said. He still had the urge to finish Steve off once and for all. There was the other urge to protect Steve. The only way to protect his best friend, his brother was to leave him alone.

He left, although one part of him didn't want to.

A few things he already knows:

His name is James 'Bucky' Buchanan.

His best friend, his brother is Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America.

And to find out more information, he needed to go to the Captain America Smithsonian exhibit.

* * *

A/N: I hope I didn't make them too out of character.

It was my first fanfic in this part of the fandom, not exactly my first fanfic.

 **Edit** : Thanks to a review, I was told that Steve's last name doesn't have a 'd' in it. I have no clue what made me put a 'd' in his last name.


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